Inside Happiness

 

I always wanted the life outside, experiencing the heart-felt laughter at silly antics, reading stories, making friends, walking to the land, feel the fresh air and so many things that I didn’t experience yet. Because my body was soft with a tiny head matted with sheen of hair. My tiny body with a tiny heart that pulsated in time. My bone and muscles wasn’t strong enough to support and to protect me outside, because my body wasn’t fully developed yet. I always active, I always move my hand to touch my skin, lips and cheeks because I am curious what I am look like. This is my fingers and ohh! … Here’s my thumb which I sucked when I am afraid.  Only his voice makes me calm and feels safety.

At weekends he loves to play and talk with me the whole day. He always taught me good moral values, because he doesn’t want me to see someday a child as a burden than a joy. And he explained that he don’t want spoiling me by buying luxury things that I wanted someday. And every night, he tells a lot of stories to me like the Rabbit’s Eyes, The Great White Bear and the Trolls and In Search Of a Baby. I have a plenty laughed, excitement and moral lesson learned when he tells an every single story and also his experiences every day. He wants me to have a preview outside life’s experiences, dilemmas and hardships. Because he believes that stories can educate me, and inspire me, to a build rapport. He is a funny, cool, adventurous and smart human being. That’s why I love him so much.

Every morning, he is exceptionally watchful with respect to what I eat. He generally demands me to eat a healthy fruits and vegetables, which are rich in vitamins and minerals in order to grow my body healthy and strong. He extremely loves me. I generally appreciate investing energy with him and learn new things with him. He is the most precious gift of God to me.He wants me to become a good human being like him. That is why he always teaches me to differentiate between what is right and wrong.

When I am ready to face the world outside, I want him to become my best friend too, that I can discuss everything with him without any doubt. Things that I fail, things that I achieve. I want it to easily discuss to him. He is a kindest man, he understands anyone, he never gives up, he always concerned to my future, he always give time and extensively effort to express his responsibility even though how tough it is, he’s always at our side no matter what happen, and he doesn’t care how much he spends on me but all cares is me, being happy inside.

I thank God for every day for giving me such a loving and caring father.  Even though I am not born in the world that I wanted, and even though I can’t see him, touch him, making conversation to him, bonding with him and so much things. I am thankful and bless that I met him. I’m going to miss everything about you father. I love you.

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Nighttime Visitor

 

It was 12:00 ante meridiem of midnight , when I was still  continuing my extensive review for the final examination, because as a honor student I want to proliferate my rank in the class. So, that time I perceive that my mind was very weary cause of overload information that I read, memorized and analyzed. I checked the time, it was 3:00 am, the time that some people considered that it is the spirit’s time to communicate with us, the other think it’s a devil’s speck or mark . Some even think that when you wake up at this time, someone is watching you. For me it doesn’t matter , it’s just a time.

Before I sleep I always  turn off the light in my room,and I feel, something bizarre that time, and I decided to  ignore it.                                                                                                                When I fell asleep…..

I’m walking  to the unfamiliar street and I saw my cousin playing with unknown man , the man was tall and blurred face and he garb a black cloak , he wave his hand to me and I say “Hi” and then, there’s a weird but a adorable child girl who hold my right hand and she’s crying , I ask her what happen but she didn’t answered to my question. I look back to the tall man who wear a black cloak but he’s gone speedily including my cousin and I feel seriously terrified, and then, when I’m going to entertain the adorable child girl,I was fucking shock because her face was strangely change like a murdered child.Her eyes was blank same with her mouth and her tears turns to blood, her finger nails was bleeding same with his head and she shriek and said (while crying)”I need help!

Because of my trepidation , I left the girl and I run rapidly away from her, but it’s hard to me to run, I feel heavy and it’s like that the gravity diminish. And I try to run the fast that I can, in order to escape from the little girl .                                                                                                          I slowly stop running ,when I saw our house between in the two aged and forsaken houses . I wondered why our house is in there and I think there’s something wrong that’s happening that time . Because I’m curious , I sedate entering to our house but when I look to the window, I saw a unfamiliar old woman that I ‘ve never seen before, wearing a weird wedding gown , I didn’t see her face because she’s suddenly disappeared and that’s definitely unnatural.My body full of  nervous ,when I’m looking around inside the house. house that the ambiance I’ve never perceive. I feel it’s not our home  and I feel there’s something living there before us.

And afterwards, I hear something whispering in the kitchen, and when I arrive, I scared   because there’s a hole that connected to the two aged abandoned house, and accidentally I saw a old woman who wearing a black dress and veil when I called her , she is slowly turning her face to me and I saw her eyes was dark and blank same with her mouth she look like a nun . I attempted to run but I can’t move because of my fear. She is walking toward to me and trying to take me , I scream as loud as I can, but there’s no voices coming out. I try it again even though it’s not working , her face was very close to me and then she open her mouth and scream .

When my uncle enter to my room and he want to check me , he unexpectedly saw a black cloak shadow beside in my bed and staring at me. and suddenly he heard that I’m growling and crying, he quickly woke up me ,and he slap my face three times to just woke up. When I wake up , in just a second I realized that it just a bad dream and then I cried , because I thought it was all true . My uncle advice to me to pray sincerely before I go to sleep again .

Since I experienced that fucking nightmare, I’m always afraid to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I  always remember the face of the  woman who want to grab me and I don’t want to go the place that full of dark and most of the time , I don’t wanna be alone.

And then one night , I accidentally nap in the living room . I know to myself that I’m dreaming and when I’m in there, I plan to ask a woman, why she always show up to me while I’m  in the sleeping process,  I experience a tightness of my stomach when I’m asking her and I’m so afraid because, when I did that, I can’t breathe properly and I can’t move my body, the worst is,  I can’t wake up. I feel my body was paralyze . I want to touch my brother who watching a movie but I said while a ago I can’t move my body. I shouted even though it doesn’t work, I’m bless because my brother heard that I’m growling and then I cried again when I got woke up.

I go to the kitchen and get some water, when I’m going to drink the a glass of water, I saw the reflection of cloak figure shadow in my drinking glass. And I drop the glass and I run to my room and pray sincerely. Seriously, I don’t know what’s happening to me and I have no idea, so what are shadow people and where do they come from? and then why there showing up to me and also to my dream. It’s that my illusion or it’s that demons work . I don’t know, what I’m going to do. I feel terrible and hopeless.

This rare routine always happening and sometimes it’s just a normal incident for me. For now , only I can do is to connect again to our God, to build a new strong relationship with him and to let live his spirit again to me. I think only God, help me.

 

I am your Guardian Angel

It was the 19th day of September of the year 2016

When my black and white story started to be filled with colors

From a simple concern to a stranger

I never knew that it would lead to a deeper connection

I witnessed your pain as well as your happy thoughts

The way you smile never failed to amaze me

When I see you hurting, my heart breaks

Somehow, I feel we have this strong bond inside of us.

No words of gratitude can express

How thankful I am to have you

No adjective can describe

How much you made my everyday better than it was before.

The assurance that you are always happy

Serves as the contentment of my heart

Please do take care of yourself all the time

I can’t bear to see your face not wearing that amazing smile.

17th day of the eleventh month of the same year

Finally, the guardian was able to meet his only angel

Without an angel, the guardian won’t be able to know what he is fighting for

Together, these two are the guardian angels of each other.

Maybe, I will stop writing this poem

But just trust me, this thing that was built up unexpectedly

Expect that this would last a lifetime

With God, we will always stay for each other.

 

 

A Dreamer of this Era

         I am a simple man, who dream a lot. Dream,that I know,someday  I’m gonna obtain it and I want to  share it to the people who forget that they have a dream in their life . I want to ignite the fire in their dream to illuminate there mind and heart to  don’t stop believing in themselves and to don’t stop dreaming for their future self. And also to uplift their confident and  ego to face their predicament or dilemma in their life .  As a dreamer I want to implement in my mind and in my heart to become a goal oriented and positive self- starter. Because someday I’m gonna be the big thing in this era. Era that full of inconsistency , bias , discrimination , corruption , and prejudice that makes other faith down. I want to eradicate and to right the unacceptable things that already happening in our epoch. With my heart, mind, skills and vision I want to convince the other dreamer to grasp their torch of dream to amalgamate it , to form or generate a huge fire to melt the other frozen heart and to enlightenment their erroneous path and to illuminate and lucid their imperfect action and to restore their true fire in their heart and also build a extraordinary relationship to others. Because a tip-top fire can  change the misdoing of others. I know that one dream can prolong the fire in our heart .

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